drowning in regret
by sinfulhotbabe69
Summary: its been some years since harry had left Hogwarts. And an old friend suddenly showes up from his dark secret past.


Chapter 1

"_Harry will you go out with me?" Asked the voice _

_There was silence_

_The boy looked up at Harry_

_For harry had not said anything after the question was asked and the boy found Harry shaking his head _

_"No I can't. I already have someone ...sorry"_

_That broke his heart_

_He put on a fake smile _

_"Ok, then well i guess I'll see you around"_

_He turned and walked down the hall and went around the corner_

_Harry watched him leave_

_And all the while wondered what had gotten into the kid to want to ask him out. _

_Was he gay or bisexual?_

_Harry had seen him with girls mostly and never would have thought that he might be gay in anyway. _

Harry woke up to the sound of his alarm clock going off.

_Why do I always have that dream? I thought I was over it. It's been 20 years since then and I'm still dreaming about it._

Harry sat up in bed and checked his cell. There were no new messages

He flung the covers off of him and got out of bed

He yawned while scratching his head and rubbed the two day stubble that was on his face

Harry went down stairs and poured himself a bowl of cereal

"Meow"

He looked down and saw his cat spaz

He bent downed and picked his cat up

"Hey boy, you hungry to"

"Meow"

He set spaz back down onto the floor

Spaz did a figure eight in between harry's legs while purring

Harry went and fill up his food bowl and gave him fresh water

"I guess after I'm done eating I'm going to have to clean your litter box huh?"

The only response was a twitch of his tail. And that was answer enough for harry.

So he went to go sit down and watch the news while eating.

There was nothing new going on in the world. They were still making a big deal over the royal wedding that was to happen in two months.

"Oh come on already, who the fuck cares about the fucking wedding"

He changed the channel

A famous designer was suspended by his boss after being questioned for allegedly assaulting a couple and using anti-Semitic insults in a Paris bar.

Actress Davis had joined the UN women

And a TV show was canceled after one of their actors made a lude comment about the creator of the show.

"Good I never did like that show anyway"

Harry turned the TV off and ate in silence

After harry was done eating he went and washed out his bowl then went to go take a shower.

When he got out he had something's he had to do around the house.

He gathered up his clothes so he could do laundry and while that was going he would vacuum and dust.

While harry was gathering up his clothes into his laundry bin then spaz suddenly pounced into his clothes

Harry jumped

"Spaz what are you doing"

Spaz was rubbing and purring and playing with his clothes

"Oh I get it, you don't like when I do the laundry do you"

Spaz stopping playing around, he turned and looked at harry as if he even thought of picking up the bin he would attack him and make him bleed

So harry slowly reached out his hand to the bin and about an inch from touching it spaz hissed at him

Harry stopped and looked at his cat

"You won't win"

Spaz sat there with the look of confidence

So harry had an idea

He walked out of the room and headed to the kitchen

He waited to see if spaz would follow and when he thought he wasn't he grabbed what he needed and went back up stairs

He found spaz sitting in the same way with his tail slowly swaying from side to side while facing the door

Harry walked up to the end of the bed and stood there

Then without knowing it spaz found himself in a nap sack

Spaz was fighting and hissing to get out

Before harry let his cat out he gathered up the rest of his cloths and put spaz on top and carried them both down to the basement

Harry sat spaz on top of the dryer while he put in his first load of laundry in

Then he went to the sofa and sat down and put the bag down on the ground between his feet and opened the bag.

He looked down at his cat

Spaz stopped fighting to look at harry with rage in his eyes

"I told you you weren't going to win, but you didn't want to listen did you"

Spaz growled at him

"If you stop me again from doing my laundry I'm going to keep you in here all day next time, and I'll deal with the piss and shit from you as well"

Harry let the bag go and spaz ran out of it and went to go hide or think about another way to stop harry from doing his laundry

Ever since he got his cat he never quite understood why he never let harry do his laundry

But he was running out of ideas on how to handle his cat

Since it was harry's day off from work he decided to take it easy and just relax with a good book outside on the patio

The book of harry's choosing was one from Christine Feehan

He couldn't remember the first book he ever read from her but her stories always had him feel like he was living that life.

There were a few author's that harry like

But his most favorite would have to be laurel k Hamilton

And he couldn't wait for her next book to come out. The last one was not what he expected but the other two before the last one were a little of a disappointment to him

Spaz came out and leaped on top of the railing closes to the trees and just laid down.

And those poor birds that lived in his tree were in for a surprise if spaz ever got a hold of them

In and out of harry's book he would read part of a page and would be thinking about and old memory then come back to his book and not understand what was going on in the book and would have to reread the page all over again.

He never knew why he would do this.

After several attempts to try to finish the last ten chapters to his book.

He sighed and marked his page off for another time when he could read it with a clear head

He sat back and put his hands be hide his head and looked up at the clouds

Since he wasn't able to finish his book he had to find something to keep him busy

If there was one thing that harry hated the most, it was being lazy

He done it most of his life and he had done well on his promise he made several years ago to stop being lazy and to make something of himself.

And so far he had. It took a while but he got to where he wanted to be.

But the question was, was he happy at where he had gotten

Harry turned to look over at his cat who was sound asleep on the wooden railing

For some time harry couldn't decide what to do with him. Then he thought of it.

And may be that would fix his cat and if not then he'll try something else

But for now harry had to go out and get spaz his gift.

Harry got up and softly petting spaz, who slowly opened his eyes and looked up at harry.

Spaz sat up a little and was rubbing against harry's hand and was purring

"Hey boy, I'm going to go out and get you a present, would u like that?"

Spaz meowed and jumped down to wait by the door so harry could let him in

Harry open the door and headed inside

Spaz walked over to the couch wear he leaped up on top of it and laid down to wait for his gift

Harry slipped on his sandals and grabbed his keys and wallet and headed out

Harry had heard several different stories on where to go and where not to go for what he was looking for. But thankfully the one thing that very one had agreed to was he was headed to right now.

When he arrived at his distention

He got out and walked up to the door and knocked

While he waited he looked around at all the open space around him. It was pretty far in the county.

If one wanted to they could make a farm range or a horse racing stables here. There was more than enough land for it

The drive way on both side were line with pine trees at least 14 inches high for all of them.

From where harry was standing he couldn't see another house in all directions that he looked in.

Just a medium three story house with a three door garage and a wraparound porch that had a three person swing not too far off to the left of the door.

It was a simple looking house it was all white with light blue widow shutters

It looked fairly new as well. The windows didn't have the old six paned glass style

But the window you could easily open and pull out to clean them.

Harry knocked on the door again a little louder to make sure someone heard him.

He waited and when no one came to the door. He went to his car and wrote and note out and went back to tape in onto the screen door.

He'd about a week to see if the person would get back to him. If not then he'd look somewhere else

In the mean time he decided to do some shopping of what he didn't really know.

He drove back into town and hit the mall.

Harry did a lot of window shopping before he decided that he would go and get some clothes

He figured he was in due for a new wardrobe.

So he went and got the new latest trend.

After he was done with the mall he put all his bags in his car and walked over to the avenue that was right across the street and check out some of the stores there.

He went and stopped at Yankee candles.

Since that one memorable day back in school he had had a secret love for candles.

And he noticed that when he walked out of the store there was a book store.

And he was in heaven he saw that there was a star bucks inside.

He got in line and ordered a Caramel frappachino. Then went to walk around.

He bought a few history books as well as romance novels

Harry always felt that he was a little of both worlds a guy and a girl at the same time.

But he liked being almost very different from all the other same guys out there.

He noticed that they were advertizing the nook.

He didn't know if he liked that or not.

So just for the hell of it he got the one.

Before he thought he would go overborad with all this shopiong he went home to put very thing away.

When harry got home he saw that spaz was in the same spot when harry left.

He woke up and looked at harry.

It sometimes freaked harry out how much his cat would look at him like he knew things.

He looked from harry to the bags in his hand then back at harry.

As if saying that harry had wasted his time on getting more toys for him. He put his head back down and closed his eyes.

"Sorry boy they didn't have what I was looking for, but I hope you'll love it when I do get it"

Spaz just yawned not caring either way

Harry headed for his bedroom and put his bags down.

No sonner then he did that his cell phone started to ring

"Hello"

"Hey harry, what you doing today"

"Oh hey Ron what's up?"

"About to go out fishing you want to come join me"

Harry thought about it for awhile.

He hadn't gone fishing in years and he kind of missed it

And it be good to see Ron again

"Sure I'd love to"

"Great, do you remember how to get here and where the boat is located"

"Yep, did you want me to bring anything?"

"Whatever you want will do"

"Sounds good, see you soon"

"Yep"

Harry headed down stairs to the basement and grabbed his fishing gear and headed out the door.

Harry arrived at the loading docks and parked his car and got his gear from the back seat and headed for the boat

When harry arrived at the boat he noticed that all his buddies from school were there.

"Hey there harry, Ron didn't say you were going to be going along"

"Last minute decision I guess Seamus"

"Either way it's good to see you"

"Same to you Neville"

Harry got onto the boat and set his gear up.

The boat was a gift for Ron about 10 years ago.

It was about 20 feet long and 10 feet wide and had all the latest electronical equipment added to it.

There were six swivel chairs with belts to hold them in as well as a rod holder for the fishing poles along the back of the boat and in the middle of the boat was a water tank to hold the fish they caught.

Harry had stopped at the store and picked up some beer and food.

"You ready to get your fishing on"

Fred and George came in and grabbed a beer from the fridge

"Ready as I'll ever be"

Harry headed out from the inside of the boat to the very front

He sat down and watched the boats slowly fade from the docks to be replaced by the open water.

Once they were out far enough Ron added more speed to it

Harry sat there thinking of the one friend he wished was there.

He knew everyone was thinking the same.

"I miss her to"

Harry didn't have to look to see that it was Ron who sat next to him.

He must have had Fred take over driving the boat.

"How you been"

Harry asked while sipping his beer

"Hanging in there"

"It feels like it was only yesterday we were all on here together"

"Yea"

"It's good to be back here with you guys, it's been to long"

"Yea it has been to long. I woke up and just grabbed my gear and headed over here. I sat in the car for over two hours before I could get the balls to get out and walk over and get on. Took everything in me not to break down and so many memories on here."

"I feel you. As soon as I step on I was brought back to the old days. I don't know how the others are handling it. But the two of us were and still are hurt by what happen all those years ago"

"She was pregnant harry"

Harry looked at Ron and could see his eyes glazing over getting ready to shed some tears

"she told me that morning, she had woken up early to make me breakfast and while I was eating I found a small baby doll bottle at the bottom of the bowl i had picked it up and just looked at her and she smile and was almost crying from happiness. And then it dawned on me and I was happiest man around. She said she wanted to make sure before she told me and had gone to the doctors a few days before. She wanted to keep the sex a secret till the baby was born. Then she got ready for work and that was the last I saw of her"

At the end Ron voice had cracked and he was silently crying

Harry didn't know what to say to Ron. This was the first he had heard about the baby. What did one say to their friend bout them losing not only a wife but also a child at the same time?

Harry lost his parents but he was just a baby he hadn't had time to grow up and spend time with them like everyone around him had while he was growing up.

"I know you want to say something but you done have to, this is the first time I ever spoke of it"

"Why now then, would could have waited"

"We were the only two that new her better than anyone else, and you're my brother you'd understand more than anyone else how I feel"

"Was this fishing trip to try and move on"

"In a way I just really missed going fishing with you guys"

They both laughed

It was good to move onto a happy tone then the sad one they were just in.

"I have something special I want to do tonight"

"Don't tell me. I want to be surprised"

"Ok"

"ALRIGHT KIDDIES TIME TO DO SOME FISHING"

Fred yelled from top of the boat

Harry and Ron got up from where they were sitting and headed to the back of the boat and set their gear up along with everyone else and they flipped a coin to see who got the first seat and so one and so one till everyone had a chair to sit in

Several hours later and two fish per person and with the sun setting it was almost time to head back.

After everyone was done with the fishing. Ron had gone to get everything ready.

Ron had said that he was going to go and us the men's room.

The man sat around sipping on their beers and having a good time.

When suddenly there was music being heard and lights being turned on.

Everyone looked at each other trying to figure out what was going on.

Ron stepped out with a lit candle and was singing along with the song that was playing along.

And in the background a white wall descended from the top and pictures were being played of their late friend that they all missed.

Once the slide show was over along with song.

Ron held the candle towards the heavens

"We miss you Hermione. This is for you my love"

The guys raised their glasses to the heavens and all said

"To you Hermione, we miss you"

Ron lowered the candle and blew it out

Harry walked over to Ron and put his hand on his friends shoulder

"Well done Ron, I couldn't have done it any better then what you did"

The guys followed suite praising Ron for his final Farewell to his late wife.

Fred had gone up and started the boat up and got them back to land.

The guys had all gone home but harry had stayed with Ron awhile longer.

"So how you been harry"

"Ehhh…. Nothing knew really"

"Oh come on mister trouble maker doesn't have anything knew going on. That's hard to believe"

He wanted to say that it wasn't any fun since Hermione's not around to tell him that it wasn't right.

"I figured it was time to grow up and be a man and not a child"

Ron looked at him shocked then a sad look took over the shock expression.

And harry knew what Ron must have been thinking.

"Did you know that I had moved?"

"No I hadn't known that. Where'd you move to?"

"In the suburbs, but after going into the country for some stuff. I think I may move out there. It's so open and quiet."

"I been thinking on doing the same"

"And do what?, you'd be too far from your work"

"I been asking my boss from time to time if there could be a way for me to work from home"

"What'd he say?"

"When I found a way to let him to and he'd let me go ahead with it."

"Have you found a way?"

"Almost"

Ron and harry talked a bit longer then they both headed off to their cars to go home

When harry had gotten into his car he saw that he had a voicemail.

Harry decided he'd check it when he got home.

Along the drive home harry thought about what Ron had told him earlier that day about Hermione being pregnant the day she had died.

He just couldn't get over it.

He had lost his best friend, sister and his godchild

Three months before Hermione and Ron had gotten married she had pulled him off to the side after there announced engagement and asked harry if he'd be the godfather of their children if she had any.

And he had agreed

He went through his headed and added it all up. It must have been two years after they were married that Hermione must have gotten pregnant cause it's been five years since she had died.

He remembered the phone call.

He had gotten home from work when his phone rang.

The id had said it was Ginny.

He hadn't talked to her since they had broken up. And when he heard her crying he knew something was wrong.

He didn't even wait to ask what was wrong.

He jumped into his car and raced on over to her place.

He walked in and the scene in front of him was burnt into his brain forever

Ron was on the floor sobbing

Harry has staggered backwards against the wall and slide down as tears slowly fell down his face.

He hung his head.

His friend and sister was gone.

He vaguely remembered Ginny coming over to hold him while she cried along with him.

After the shock had worn off Ron had demanded to see the body they thought was Hermione.

A few days later Harry had gone with Ron to the morgue to identify the body.

Only then would he believe his wife was dead.

That was the hardest day for the both of them.

They both stood on either side of the covered body that was pulled out of the freezer.

The doctor had left so Ron and harry could be alone with their lost loved one.

They both just stood there in the cold of the room looking down at the white sheet.

"Do you want me to pull the sheet back?"

Ron shook his head to go ahead

Harry very slowly with shaking hands grabbed the top of the sheet and slowly drew it down from the top

Harry saw that Ron had looked away before harry had pulled it all the way off.

He had stopped for a second. Then continued on

With his heart hammering in his chest he pulled the sheet back as far as the neck and let the sheet fall.

"Is it"

Ron had asked without turning around

Harry just stood there looking at the cold dead pale face of his friend.

Harry looked up at Ron

"Yes"

It hurt to say it. His throat had constricted on him and he was fighting the tears as much as Ron must have been.

Harry went over to Ron to take him back out in to the hall.

But Ron threw harry off and slowly turned his head towards the body

And screamed

Ron screamed long and loud

With trembling hands he softly stroked Hermione cold cheek and kissed her forehead

"Why" he said "why did you have to leave me?"

Harry didn't know how much time had passed before he could get Ron from away from the table and out into the hall.

A few days later harry had the funeral for Hermione.

He had paid for everything.

He asked Ron what he wanted and he got it. Harry spared no expense on it


End file.
